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Queer Enough?

Updated: Nov 22, 2021

Am I queer enough? Trans enough? Nonbinary enough?

Gay enough? Bi enough? Pan enough?

Am I a woman? What does that even mean?

Am I a man? Both? Neither? Am I just me?

What would my family think? Friends think? Would they treat me differently?

Isn’t it kind of no one’s business? Why would I want to talk to my parents about my sex life?

Do I care if other people know?

Do I even need a label?

Why do those pronouns feel so wrong? Why didn’t I notice this sooner?

Am I bi or am I just looking for attention? Am I bi or am I just gay but can’t accept it?

Do I even want to have sex?

Am I asexual?

Am I aromantic?

Am I polyamorous? Could I be in love with more than one person?

Is there something wrong with me? Am I sinning?

Am I fake? A fraud? Just curious? Just joining “the trend”?

Will I be safe?

Will I be safe?

Will I be safe?

How do I even really want to dress? Do I want my body to change? Do I want to remove body hair or grow it out? How can you explain to people that you are wearing nail polish ironically?

Why does dressing feminine feel so odd, fake, wrong? Why does looking masculine feel calming, affirming, like something finally clicking into place? Can boys like sparkles? Can I do it all? If I’m gender fluid, what if it changes at lunch time and now I feel wrong? Can I bring extra clothes? A pronoun button to pin on?

Why can’t it just be simple for me like it is for others?

How long can I not know myself?

Am I failing?

Would I rather just ignore this?

Would I rather just ignore this?

Am I ignoring this?

Am I panicking?

Am I reading too much into this?

Why can’t I just trust myself?

What even is attraction? How can anyone really know?

Am I not proud if I’m not out? Am I not brave if I’m not out? Am I abandoning my community if I want privacy?

Can I know my sexuality if I haven’t had sex or loved people of that gender before?

What if I’m wrong about my sexuality or gender?

Will people hypersexualize me if I come out?

Will it get awkward with my coworkers, teammates, classmates?

Would I be leading someone on if I explore dating a new gender?

How long can you be bi-curious?

Is it weird to figure this all out when I’m 40? Or not have it figured out yet?

What does this mean for my relationship?

What if people say “its okay, I have a gay friend”?

What if they say - it’s just a phase?

What if they say - I’m too young to know?

What if they act like my sexuality doesn’t matter, because I’m already married?

What if people think I’m less queer because my relationship is straight-passing?

What if the other queer people think I’m just a straight ally at PRIDE?

Will I ever belong?

Will I ever be done figuring this out?

Am I pretending to be confident?

How can people hate people? How can people hate love?

What if my community says it’s weird, a choice, a crime, unacceptable?

What if I have internalized thinking queer love is somehow less complete or legitimate?

What if I needed more lesbian fairy tales growing up to feel normal now?

How can I accept and respect other LGBTQ and questioning people but not myself?

How is everyone else so sure, so confident?

Is there a quiet, deep place inside where my knowledge about who I am feels true, real, and right?

If any of these questions resonate with you or you have any stress, insecurity, or uncertainty about your gender, gender expression, and/or sexuality, support is available. Reach out to FTW at to book an appointment.


Written by Emma Rouda, Associate Clinical Social Worker #94598 (Supervised by Jamie Van Zanen #61669)

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